Lewis Oakley is a Bisexual Activist giving a voice to men who date people not genders.
Being a bisexual man is fantastic, choosing the person not the gender certainly makes relationships more meaningful and gives you a perspective on life few others are lucky enough to have. I’ve had some fun, met some interesting people and ultimately my life has gotten so much better since coming out as bi. Once I came out the confidence boost was incredible, friends and family love seeing me finally be myself and write my own rules as part of a minority that’s never really had the chance to define itself.
Yet for all the brilliance of bisexual men, we are hindered by crippling social prejudice, from those who think it’s fine to question our sexuality and call us confused gay men. From those who write us off as sluts or blame us for the spread of HIV. We’re subjected to comments society wouldn’t tolerate if they were said about other minorities. Yet because we’re bisexuals, constantly attacking us in a ‘joking’ voice is acceptable. However, those comments can cut regardless of the tone – especially when they are said so frequently. The ones we love are also not immune, my girlfriend has received abuse simply for dating a bi guy.
Personally, I have no patience threshold for biphobia and don’t hesitate to put people in their place when they try to bully me for my sexuality. But imagine my shock and horror to realise not all bisexual men are having a good time. That many bisexual men don’t bounce back from those comments as easily as I do. This ultimately is what made me realise I had to act.
To stop bisexual men from living in a society that won’t accept them, creating a situation where they can’t accept themselves. Where men worry that being intimate with a man means that women won’t date them in the future. From constantly having to answer those who ask us ‘are you sure you’re not just gay?’ As if we’re so unobservant we don’t know what makes our penis fill with blood.
The truth is bisexual men in the U.K often receive discrimination from both straight and gay communities with various research indicating that bisexual men have higher rates of depression, suicide and are more likely to earn less than gay or straight colleagues.
If you’re not up on your bisexual figures, YouGov found that 43% of 16-24 year olds in the UK do not identify as gay or straight meaning that almost half of young people are dealing with some degree of bisexuality.
With that in mind, it’s shocking that bisexuals are so often neglected by so called LGBT groups who often put their resources in to helping gay, lesbian and transgender people. As you may be aware the research put out by these organisations often fails to distinguish between being a gay or a bisexual man, leaving specific male bisexual issues unexplored. The UK also has no prominent bisexual specific apps, magazines or venues.
I want to help bisexual men get all the attention they deserve, I think it’s wrong when reports say ‘gay and bisexual men’ I think we are important enough to have our issues explored separately rather than play a sidekick to gay men. I also steer clear of discussing bisexual women, I’m not a bisexual woman and I feel that bi women merit their own research and exploration rather than being looked at under the same scope as bisexual men.
On this site, you will find a full list of my articles, TV and radio interviews to help raise the profile of male bisexuality. I will also keep it updated with news and events I’ll be taking part in. You will also find my email address If you would like to contact me directly. Enjoy the site and never forget how awesome bisexual men are.